The Unfiltered Thoughts of a Fully Supported Missionary (J.E. #4)
The things we all WANT to say but don't
Ooooooh this one might be spicy.
Written by Austin
This is what I’m telling myself as I sit down to write this. I have wanted to talk about this topic for a while…but it always seemed a little bit taboo. As someone who has lived off of other’s donations for over 5 years and someone who tries my best to support others, I have developed a wealth of thoughts about this. If I got paid every time I talked, thought, or processed something that had to do with support…well, I wouldn’t need to be on support anymore. So you ready for some unfiltered, unadulterated, somewhat controversial thoughts that we all want to talk about but don’t? If so…let’s dive in.
There are many different approaches to this topic, but I want to be as real and succinct as I can be. The reality is…there are many misconceptions I have heard over the years. But the misconceptions are on both sides, and I want to approach it that way. I both receive and give support. I have felt the tension from both ends. And I want to try to write something that gives a window into what it is like on either side. With that being said…
What is it like living off support?
It is both a HONOR and a BURDEN.
Woah. Am I allowed to say that? Is it just me or is it getting hot in here?
It is the biggest honor to have someone say that they trust you enough to give you some of their hard-earned money each month. To have someone say they love you enough, care about you enough, and support what you are doing enough that they are willing to have less so that you can live the life you feel called to give? Yeah…talk about a humbling honor.
But it is also extremely burdensome. Oof. It is something that you may not hear someone living off support say. But it is. It’s the truth. There is this feeling of “Am I doing enough?” It is this weird feeling of always wanting to make your supporters feel like their money is going to good use. And with that comes this stress of wanting your life to look like it is the most missional, most impactful, most glorious thing in the world.
The reality is though…what if it isn’t? What if being a missionary isn’t that different than a 9-5? Meetings, work on your laptop, one-on-one discipleship, mundane things? Yes, there are the cool moments. There are the big events, the really fun gatherings, the amazing miracles. Those are all present. But a life of being a full-time missionary isn’t as glamorous as it looks on paper. So you are left with this sense of “Am I doing enough?”
Not to mention the fact that trying to steward money that is donated to you is hard. Can I go out for coffee with this money? Can I take my wife out on a date with this money? Can I go on vacation with this money? Can I have fun with this money? Am I allowed to fundraise so that my life isn’t always so stressful? Sheesh that last one hits hard.
Am I allowed to fundraise so that my life isn’t always so stressful? How much is too much? Can I fundraise enough that I can try to live not just survive? That I can have nice things? Or that I just have enough to not be so stressed every month about if I will have enough for groceries?
These are all real questions that maybe don’t get talked about…but almost all missionaries I know think about them at some point. Self-supported missionaries don’t want to have to send out a newsletter every few weeks asking for money. It’s awkward. It’s weird. And most that I know would like to make enough where that isn’t what’s necessary. But for many…it is necessary. Some people have enough support that they don’t need to. Praise God! But for many, they barely have enough to eat. Let alone the new mission trip coming up in a few weeks. So many are left with the sad reality of having to send another letter…asking for more money…even though they just asked a few weeks ago.
Dang. Are missionaries just depressed? NO. Most do have this radical trust in the Lord that the money will come in. And it basically always does. It is just stressful. But let’s put a pause on that and do the flip side.
What is it like supporting missionaries?
It is both a PLEASURE and FRUSTRATING.
Oops. Saying the quiet things out loud.
Full disclosure…I DO support missionaries…but not as much as I would like to. And some of these thoughts will be thoughts that I have heard from my own donors. Let’s buckle up and dive in.
It is such a pleasure to be able to give to others. To be able to give when there is a need so great, to see the joy on people’s faces, to be able to partner with what the Lord is doing. WHAT AN HONOR to be able to give to the Lord’s work in different parts of the world, and to partner with people doing such incredible things. Every dollar is sewed towards His Kingdom…and it is so fun to be able to give when the Lord prompts to give.
However…it can be frustrating at times. And I am going to say something that…needs to be said. Money doesn’t grow on trees…and money isn’t endless. Just because it may look like I am rich…doesn’t mean I am. Maybe I am supporting more people than just you, maybe my bills are extremely high, or maybe I live in an area where the cost of living is egregious.
Or maybe what looks like wealth to you was a blessing to me. Maybe I am not as rich as you think, and I am giving because the Lord tells me to, not because I am insanely wealthy. And maybe even…the Lord said no to giving to you.
WOAH.
The reality is…there is a lot of need in the world. And yes, you may have needs, but so does the majority of the planet. There is a chance that the Lord said not to give to you. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love what you are doing, it just means that I can’t right now, or I don’t feel like I am supposed to.
There is also the fact that I go through challenges too. Maybe I lost a job. My bills went higher. We have an unplanned medical expense. Because of this, I have to stop supporting you, and I am not trying to put you out.
Not only this…but the constant newsletters can get a bit overwhelming. One…it’s probably not just one person or organization that is asking for money, it is probably many. Just because I have given, doesn’t mean that I always can. And when I have 9587592734 newsletters in my inbox…if I’m being honest…it becomes harder to give. Do you want to talk to me just when you need money? Am I just dollar signs?
Spicy.
Can I break the fourth wall here quickly? Donors are not just money signs, they are real people with real callings that go beyond giving.
Giving is such a joy. But it is also a piece of my calling, not my only calling. And I want to help at every opportunity I can. That doesn’t mean, however, that I can every single time.
PAUSE.
I could go on all day on either side. But what do we do? If these massive thoughts are happening on either side…what is missing? I’ll tell you. Because I know.
Relationship.
The biggest disconnect and why this divide is so large at times is because there is a lack of relationships.
In the missions world, we often talk about Paul writing letters to the church asking for support. But you know what Paul had? Relationship. He wasn’t writing to random people who he didn’t know…he was writing to people he cared about and knew. And because of that…he was able to be honest without sounding needy.
The problem is many missionaries try to do the support-raising thing without the necessary component of a relationship. That doesn’t mean you can’t do it. You can meet new people. You can get introduced to people. But there needs to be a component of a relationship.
And let me say…relationship is a two-way street. If you support someone and you think “They only talk to me every 6 months when they need money.” Can I be honest? They probably feel embarrassed. But just like how your life gets busy…so does theirs. Maybe they deeply care about you…but life just got in the way. Maybe reach out to them now and then too?
With that being said…to my missionary friends…myself included. We should have “maintaining relationships” as part of our schedule. Our mission is not just to the people we are serving, we are also serving and maintaining the relationships of the people God has put in our life. I know it’s difficult, and life is busy, but if we look at it as part of our job, it’s less stressful and more life-giving. How fun is it to get to talk to the people who love us enough to give us a monthly donation?
What happens when there is relationship?
The questions go away.
You can be real with your supporters. You can talk as friends not just as people who talk when they need money. It is normal to talk to your friends when you are struggling. Not every conversation needs to have this underlying plea for more money. But this only happens when you know and love the people that are supporting you.
You can also be real with the people you are supporting. If you are going through a hard time they can be there for you. You can feel like a real person to them…rather than someone they just go to when they need money.
But wait…what if I do relationship and I still need more money?
Alright…now we are getting into the nitty gritty. What if I pursued relationship, my supporters are awesome, but I still need more money. This is real. And it happens more than you think. So often missionaries will have amazing supporters
and a really strong support base, but in reality, it just doesn’t meet the needs they need per month. And honestly? I don’t have a perfect answer. But I do know this, and I want to speak to both sides of the issue.
Be honest. If you are struggling and need more monthly support, it is totally okay to be honest with your supporters. Maybe there is the ability to give a little more? Or maybe they can partner with you in prayer? Or maybe they know someone who would want to support you as well? Don’t isolate yourself and think it is just your problem. We are a Body for a reason. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Be real. We are missionaries, not superhumans.
In addition to this, as also someone who supports, I think there is a desire to be a real person. Not just a person that is looked at with dollar signs. There is a desire to know how you are doing, if you are struggling, I want to know. But not every solution is solved with dollars, and I think a relationship is hindered when every single time there is a financial crunch, there is a new mass-produced support letter that has no sense of intentionality.
Final Thoughts
I’m not sure if this resonates with people, maybe it is just me. But I do know this, relationships are the way this whole thing was meant to work. I think a supporter/supported relationship should look much more like a friendship than a transaction. Are you struggling? I want to know. Are you going through a hard time? Tell me. Is it financially tough? Let me contend with you in prayer. Maybe I can help. Not just financially. And you know what’s crazy? Those questions I just asked? They were for both sides. Friendship means that we are both in this together. It is not just a one-way street. So let’s do it together.
It is such an unnecessary stress to this supporter-supportee relationship. There is so much perceived weirdness. When in reality? This should be such a beautiful friendship. We need traditional missionaries going to the nations to see the Great Commission completed. And we need traditional, everyday people who give financially and also boldly proclaim the Gospel in their hometowns. We all have a calling, and we all have a mission, the only difference is how we get our paycheck.
Very perceptive post. Relationship is key to the supporting and supported. And the relationship we need to respect the most is that of the supporting and supported to the Father as He provides and He directs how we steward what He has given.
I’ve never been a full-time missionary, however, I have been on short-term mission trips.
I do recall one of my first ever missionary trips, which was to the Ukraine. It had been about a year or two since the Iron Curtain opened up and westerners were not only permitted, but welcome to visit.
Our contact on the ground in the Ukraine was a missionary our local church had been supporting for years— even before the Iron Curtain fell. While I was there, one day, he invited me to go to an open air automobile market. There were no auto dealerships in the rural area where we were serving, so vehicles were parked in open fields.
This missionary had other donors supporting him apart from our local church and he had received $17K in Canadian funds from one of them to purchase a much needed vehicle and supplies for the orphanage we had arrived to serve.
There were European, Japanese and American made vehicles at this market. The irony was that the American vehicles were more expensive than the European ones. I thought my missionary friend had scored big time, because he could get a really cheap well-made car with access too much needed locally available parts.
I was shocked when he said he was not permitted to purchase a European car — even if it was much cheaper than the American models. (BMW 500 series $12K vs a really sad looking Dodge MiniVan $16K). He said it was because of the perception that would be received back home with the donors. He would risk losing their support if it “looked” as if he were living high on the hog.
No thought was given to cultural differences, economics of the geographic location (European cars are cheaper in Europe), or the practical accessibility to cheap parts for European made vehicles in the European continent. The North American mindset prevailed and forced him to buy a much more expensive and less reliable American made vehicle, which had more expensive parts which were not accessible locally.
I was really bummed out for him. But he took it in stride, having navigated such things for years while he served the people in that part of the Ukraine for Christ.
Thank you so much for taking a risk with your “spicy” post. I do pray it gives people a better perspective, from both sides, about what is involved when the command to go forth and make disciples is obeyed.